I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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