Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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