did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
