just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
