is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
being pregnant is like rehab
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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