Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Please, let me fuck your mom
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
