is your mom at the bar?
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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