Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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