it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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