How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
