Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
