You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
