turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
