So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this just has baby written all over it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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