We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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