There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
