and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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