I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
