Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
