look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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