I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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