we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
