I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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