You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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