He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
