So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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