And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
