Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
