He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
