I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
