Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
