I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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