can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
