life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
