reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I supernannyed him into submission
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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