Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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