People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
