my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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