On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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