I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
