i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
