whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
