If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
