The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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