We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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