I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
