Jerry, you need to find god
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
