The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
