Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
