Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
