As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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