We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
