Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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