I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
