I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
