Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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